Saturday, January 15, 2005
Sighs.. have u wondered why the more u try to hold onto something, the more u cant get a firm grip of it.. have u wondered why some things happen the way they do? like everything seems to happen the opposite way u wan it to... i mean this is so ironic isnt it? the more u try and try with all your might, u cant even catch a little of it... but once u are totally discouraged and give up all hopes on it, it comes right along just in front of your face but u don't even have the strength to get it anymore... i just cant accept the fact that i was totally defeated, and greatly defeated... isnt that so sad? yeah i know probably the whole world can just go ahead and laugh at me, i dun really care anymore ya know...
sometimes i try so hard, i pray sooo hard dat it proves worthless.. i now understand dat i have to just let go and let god... my "works" are just never enough to earn anything.. i didnt understand that in the past.. i just kept on trying and trying everyday, forcing myself to attain the un-attainable and ended up feeling like a total mess.. i just have to relax and just give the cares to Him.. i finally realize itz not how much/hard u pray, its how much u trust that he will answer your prayers..
sad.depressed.dejected.lonely.disturbed.unwanted.uncared for.unreliable.irresponsible.untrustworthy.disgust.stupid.crazy.beyond help.
this is wad the devil made me think about myself..
however, no longer, how can god's child be unwanted? or crazy? i mean god is my father so by saying dat i'm crazy means dat he is too.. how can dat be? we are the greatest form of creation of god, if i still am uncared for, wad are the animals, plants, oceans, skies? he takes care of every living thing on this earth, the smallest creature to the most useless ones, wad more me? the highest creation and his child? like wad deacon dan[lao da] said..
if ANYONE is loved, it is ME.. if ANYONE were to score straight a1s, it is ME.. if ANYONE were to get a promotion, it would be ME .. if ANYONE is the prettiest in his eyes, it is ME.. and i strongly believe that i will be able to score my a1s...
i think in the course of bloggin this entry, i've actually made myself feel much beta.. i was just letting my thoughts flow and flow.. my depressed feelings flowed at first, but sumhow along the way, things came into my mind and somehow.. i'm feeling beta alreadyy.. thank yew jesus..-tears- =)
winterangel
#7
get your heels on
;
